How to Help a Loved One Through Divorce

When a couple decides to marry, they’re not planning to get divorced. However, these days it’s fairly common for a couple to divorce. While the actual divorce rate in the U.S. has been gradually declining since its peak in 1980, it’s still a familiar outcome for many marriages. In fact, for calendar year 2023, more than 1.8 million Americans got divorced.¹

If someone you love is going through a divorce, it can be the most exhausting, disruptive and emotional event they will ever experience. Since you’re someone who cares about this particular person, one of the most helpful things you can do is encourage them to evaluate what is truly important to them, and what they can forgo in order to move forward in life with grace and dignity. 

We recommend creating a “bucket list”—or rather, four buckets—that can help them rationally organize their thoughts with less emotion while also minimizing cost, complexity and stress. Here’s what to do: have your loved one draw four buckets and ask themselves the following questions:

1. What am I legally entitled to?
2. What do I (and my children) need?
3. What do I (and my children) want?
4. What can I let go of? 

They shouldn’t rush through this valuable exercise. Instead, give them plenty of time to contemplate each question and arrive at an honest, complete and thoughtful answer that reflects their specific circumstances and wishes. 

The legal bucket: Shaped by local laws 

Local laws generally determine someone’s legal entitlement in a divorce. Your loved one will be legally entitled to an equal or otherwise fair share of the marital estate. Divorce laws do not look the same in each state, and they can even vary by county, depending on the presiding judge. Whatever the case may be, your loved one needs to ensure they receive all they’re entitled to. Divorce can put a large strain on the finances of the couple who will soon become two individuals. After all, when people marry, they’re often reminded of the old adage that “two can live almost as cheaply as one.”  

Well, the reverse happens during a divorce. That’s why receiving a full share of the marital assets can help the divorcing individuals weather financial storms on the horizon as they adjust to their new reality of living with less total income and fewer opportunities to take advantage of economies of scale regarding shared expenses. People’s plans for the future—such as buying a home, starting or expanding a business, timing of retirement, etc.—will likely change as a result of divorce. They should consider consulting with a Corient Wealth Advisor to determine the possible financial impact of divorce, and what steps they can take to stay (or get back) on track to meet their goals.  

We also believe it’s important that your loved one hires an experienced divorce attorney to ensure they understand their legal rights and entitlements. We suggest that your loved one hold in-depth and ongoing discussions with their attorney about how their assets will be divided and how much support they’re entitled to (or how much support they might be required to pay their ex-spouse). As well, they’ll need to address child custody and support (if applicable) with their divorce attorney, so the outcome is as favorable and appropriate as possible for all parties involved. 

The other buckets: An opportunity to let go 

Your loved one will likely be overwhelmed with a flood of emotions at the start of their divorce process, and their needs list will probably start off very long. Sometimes, in the heat of a bitter divorce battle, people will aim to “get the upper hand” and accumulate as many assets as they can. However, in our opinion, it’s important that they are candid with themselves about what is a want versus a need, and put raw emotions to the side. Preserving some semblance of harmony and civility between the parents is important to help the children avoid being overwhelmed or too distressed by the proceedings. Things can turn contentious and emotional very quickly during a divorce, but ultimately that type of conflict won’t benefit anyone. 

Understandably, your loved one may want to keep certain sentimental items or assets, but we recommend that they consider whether holding onto these items is worth the emotional and financial cost for them and their children. For example, they might be adamant about keeping the family home and consider this a need. However, upon reflection, they may discover a stronger need to have more liquid assets at their disposal, or they may realize that they would struggle to afford the marital home after the divorce.  

Understanding the difference between wants, needs and things they can let go of can help both parties prioritize their goals and negotiate a settlement efficiently. Following the bucket list throughout the negotiation and mediation process may help your loved one keep their goals in line and also save them time and money with their attorney and other professionals. 

From our experience, it’s also important that your loved one revisits their bucket list regularly throughout the divorce process. Often, needs will shift to wants or wants will move to “let it go” as they get closer to the divorce finalization. 

We believe that the more items they can put in the “let it go” bucket, the better. Remind your loved one that letting go of things does not mean they are giving up on what’s important to them or sacrificing their values, or letting their soon-to-be ex “win.” It often means they are prioritizing their emotional and financial well-being, while focusing on what truly matters for them and their children’s futures, which can be the most empowering and liberating decision of all. 

Maintaining good financial health can help build a strong foundation for proceeding with (and succeeding at) life after divorce. A Corient Wealth Advisor has the experience to help divorcing individuals maximize their finances and approach the next stage of life with greater confidence. 

¹ https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2025/10/16/8-facts-about-divorce-in-the-united-states/

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5171383 – February 2026