Plan Ahead for a Successful School Year After Divorce

The start of the new school year brings a full range of emotions for children: apprehension about new teachers, schedules and friends, along with excitement for new clothes and school supplies. These transitions always bring challenges, so the complexity of two households (if the parents are divorced) just amplifies the stress. 

The silver lining is that this transition is also a wonderful opportunity to reset expectations, goals and boundaries. As the school year starts anew, create a game plan that every member of the family understands. We discuss five points to consider and potentially act upon, so your student is best positioned for success in this school year and beyond.

1. What do you want your kids to learn in and out of the classroom this year? This semester? 

While academics and grades are important, you also want your kids to be well rounded and self sufficient. A few ways to help them achieve these objectives is by encouraging them to create and maintain healthy relationships, learn how to get comfortable being uncomfortable, participate in sports and extra-curricular activities, and, for high school and college students, gain some valuable work experience (paid or volunteer). Ask your kids what their goals are for the year and write down the top three that you mutually agree on. Discuss their biggest challenges and how you may help.

If possible, include your former spouse in these discussions. While it may be tough for you, having your children hear expectations from both parents at the same time can  substantially increase the chances of their success and minimize confusion or conflict. If there’s too much tension for you to have the discussion together, encourage the kids to discuss your agreed-upon goals with their other parent.

2. Extra expenses to cover

While you likely addressed larger ticket items in your Marital Settlement Agreement, each new school year typically includes unforeseen extra expenses. Child support is meant for food, shelter, clothing and basic incidentals. Who’s going to pay for extra childcare or missed work when you have a sick kid? How are you paying for extra supplies and events like homecoming? Some divorced couples agree to split each expense 50/50, sometimes in a manner that coincides with the respective proportion of their income levels, while others choose to make a list of expenses and divvy them out. Be thoughtful about how much children should contribute through their allowance, babysitting or other jobs. It’s important for all families to raise financially responsible children, and even more crucial when the family assets and income have been split in two.

In addition to being conscious and realistic about how much each member of the family should contribute to costs, be clear about the logistics of signing up and paying for activities. This gets even more important as the kids evolve from middle school to high school to college. Letting teenagers take care of registrations can minimize all of your time and stress, and teach them responsibility. Once your kids start wanting to buy things, they’re likely old enough to start learning the mechanics of paying for and tracking expenses – even if you’re fully covering the cost. Instilling good saving, banking and credit card habits while your teenagers are at home may help prevent overspending when they’re on their own.

3. Consider the Free Application for Federal Student Aid (FAFSA)

For children with college on the horizon, even if you do not think you will qualify for need based aid, it can still make sense to file the FAFSA for certain merit-based scholarships. Your child's high school might even require the FAFSA as a graduation requirement unless you opt-out. The rules for the FAFSA for divorced and separated parents changed beginning with the 2024-2025 school year. Regardless of which parent the student lived with more over the past year, the parent who has provided the most financial support to the student within the last 12 months should file the FAFSA application.¹ This parent is called the "contributor." If both parents provide equal support or if neither parent financially supports the student, the parent with more assets and income is considered the contributor. Keep in mind that the parents must be living apart for these terms to apply. If divorced or separated but still living together, both parents will complete the FAFSA. 

Paying for a student's education can be a significant and stressful undertaking, especially for divorced, separated, or blended families. If you are the contributing parent, consider gathering and preparing any necessary documents far in advance of the deadline to avoid a last-minute scramble and potential simple errors that cause complications later in the process. The application often opens a year in advance of the school year that it applies to. Although this does not guarantee your student more federal aid, it can increase your chances of receiving grants or scholarships. 

4. What is the calendar and ideal routine? 

While no two weeks are ever the same, having a realistic ideal standard is crucial to ensure everyone meets their scheduled obligations AND your bigger-picture goals for the year. It’s important to be clear about who is responsible for sign ups and managing the schedule. A shared calendar  works for some families. For others, the parent who manages the calendar can create a list of the key weekly activities in a note taking application that they can quickly adapt each day. Some applications make it  easy to copy and share this list in a group text with the other parent, kids with phones, and babysitters, which helps efficiently keep everyone organized.

By reviewing the official school calendar for the entire year with your former spouse now, you can plan for days off, early dismissals and who will be responsible for sick kids and other unexpected issues. Talk to your kids about what are the most important school events and extra activities they want you to attend, so you can block your work calendar. Confirm that you and your ex are each set up to receive appropriate school communications, and that your emergency contact lists are up to date.

5. Managing different approaches to homework

When your child is with your ex-spouse, what they say goes. The reverse is true when your child is with you. Therefore, it’s imperative that you try to be cohesive with expectations surrounding school work. If you cannot come to an agreement, you can set the expectations for YOUR home and help your kids understand the differences expected at each house. Avoid focusing on what structure you think is better and help your child concentrate on how they can create the habits and discipline they need to learn in any location. This type of strong focus and adaptability can be the foundation for lifelong skills needed for work and self sufficiency.

Regardless of your relationship with your former spouse, your top priority should be to foster your children’s physical, mental, emotional and educational development. Keeping this top of mind and reviewing the goals that you’ve decided on for this school year will help you and your ex-spouse focus on what’s most important for your kids.

¹ Reporting Parent Information | Federal Student Aid

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